Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
