I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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