Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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