remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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