I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
