A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
zippers are such a cool invention
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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