is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
