I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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