He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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