drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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