Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
