It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
