So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
