I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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