the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
