dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
