so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
