I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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