I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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