so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
