Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
