Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
