he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
