How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
