talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
