Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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