More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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