I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
