What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
