Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
