Barsexuality is the new black.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
