my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
