Yo dont text me then not text me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
