just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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