I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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