when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
