I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
