It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cockslap morals
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
