Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
