Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
