New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
