1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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