Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
