Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
