The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
