Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
