I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
