Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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