Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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