if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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